There's nothing like talking about money with our spouses that's guaranteed to get us fired up and on edge almost every time. So how can you, as a married female entrepreneur, have peaceful and productive money conversations with your spouse when you would rather walk out, hang up the home or slam the door because you're so angry and overwhelmed?
The way we can began to shift this for ourselves is to begin to ask ourselves if we are willing to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" to the money dynamics in our relationship. In other words are you willing to assume 100% responsibility for how your money conversations turn out?
Of course you can always find support from girlfriends and family members who will assure you that your husband is clearly at fault and is to blame for your financial circumstances. However if we always take the position that it's our spouse's fault then we do not have access to shifting our situation. Because if it's always our spouse's fault then all we can do is to passively wait for them to change. However, if you are willing to be 100% responsible for your financial situation then you begin to get your power back, because you always have the power to change yourself.
I shared this with one of my clients I was coaching recently and she was able to completely shift her relationship with her spouse by taking a "100% responsibility no excuse approach."
She would often get mad at her husband because he was very disorganized and hardly ever cleaned out his messes in the garage. So she asked herself, "Am I willing to be 100% responsible for how I'm experiencing this garage right now?"
Once she asked herself that question she realized that her husband wasn't intentionally keeping the garage dirty to get back at her. It wasn't personal. It was simply the way he was. She realized that she could choose to clean it up the garage or not. She decided to clean it up. And for the first time in their marriage she was able to clean it up without feeling bitter, resentful or angry with her husband.
This is really powerful and I want you go begin to play with this concept. The power will come from being willing to be 100% responsible in the moment even when it seems like there is absolutely no possible way that you could be responsible. Only by being will to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" will you be able to gain your power back and begin to shift the money dynamics in your relationship.
As my wedding day approaches, I am beginning to understand that marriage is not just a union of love; it's also a joint venture that includes the combining of financial assets. Cue the discussion of The Shared Bank Account.
Of Fiancees and Finances - Discussing Money Matters Before Marriage
The harsh truth is that most newlywed couples have never even gone through an in-depth discussion about finances before they hit the aisle. What they don't know is that more often than not, financial problems are the biggest cause of fights and miscommunication, and just down the road to that is divorce. So if your lady is hearing wedding bells and you're thinking of settling down with the woman of your dreams, then it's a go signal for talking about the future including the 'money talk'. Be very careful to approach the subject though, because if it's done right it could be a great help for the two of you, but if not, it might just be a huge turn off and a deal breaker.
All financial issues are important to deal with before you marry: assets, credits, loans, debts (especially debts!), and other legal binding contracts. Start by procuring copies of your assets and savings, and don't be embarrassed when discussing debts. Get your latest credit reports and talk to each other about your concerns or what the next best step should be.
How do you pay for the wedding reception and honeymoon? Because the three just don't magically appear along with the ceremony itself. Weddings, whether it be grand or small, is an occasion that both of you should pay attention to when it comes to costs and limits. Due to the recent crisis and economic downturn, so many people look down on couples who spend so much on a wedding. It's a real waste to have a cakes, decors, suits and dresses that can set you back on thousands of dollars, when you can use it in some way that will give you and your budding family a solid foundation on finances. It's best to consider how much you can seriously spend without aggravating other problems like previous loans and other unpaid bills.
A marriage is a celebration of true love joining together... but it's also a coming together of finances and assets as well. Try as we may, we just can't remove the financial facts of the two people involved, as from now on until death do them part, they are going to share and share alike. Though they say pre-nups are an incredibly touchy subject, it shouldn't come as a surprise and should be taken into serious consideration. So whoever brings the subject up, remove the nagging thought that it's an "insult" to the relationship (pre-nups are a major mood killer.) or that it's a pessimist thought that your union will dissolve in a divorce. Appreciate the fact that it is a practical idea.
Remember that you're ultimately going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so it's important that communication is paramount. Many soon-to-be-wedded couples belatedly realize there are money matters that have long-term consequences. Marriage is a partnership, discuss your financial goals, bank accounts and savings. Work on your life together!
All financial issues are important to deal with before you marry: assets, credits, loans, debts (especially debts!), and other legal binding contracts. Start by procuring copies of your assets and savings, and don't be embarrassed when discussing debts. Get your latest credit reports and talk to each other about your concerns or what the next best step should be.
How do you pay for the wedding reception and honeymoon? Because the three just don't magically appear along with the ceremony itself. Weddings, whether it be grand or small, is an occasion that both of you should pay attention to when it comes to costs and limits. Due to the recent crisis and economic downturn, so many people look down on couples who spend so much on a wedding. It's a real waste to have a cakes, decors, suits and dresses that can set you back on thousands of dollars, when you can use it in some way that will give you and your budding family a solid foundation on finances. It's best to consider how much you can seriously spend without aggravating other problems like previous loans and other unpaid bills.
A marriage is a celebration of true love joining together... but it's also a coming together of finances and assets as well. Try as we may, we just can't remove the financial facts of the two people involved, as from now on until death do them part, they are going to share and share alike. Though they say pre-nups are an incredibly touchy subject, it shouldn't come as a surprise and should be taken into serious consideration. So whoever brings the subject up, remove the nagging thought that it's an "insult" to the relationship (pre-nups are a major mood killer.) or that it's a pessimist thought that your union will dissolve in a divorce. Appreciate the fact that it is a practical idea.
Remember that you're ultimately going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so it's important that communication is paramount. Many soon-to-be-wedded couples belatedly realize there are money matters that have long-term consequences. Marriage is a partnership, discuss your financial goals, bank accounts and savings. Work on your life together!
Bad Credit Wedding Loans - Get Married Without Money Problems
Getting married to your loved one anytime is easy but getting the required money for financing this wedding is not that easy. You will have to be able to afford your wedding expenses and then only you can plan for other things. Wedding loans are already there to help you out with the necessary amount but if you have a bad credit records then what will you do? In order to not to create any disturbance in your marriage because of your bad credit record you can opt for the bad credit wedding loans.
The most important reason for which you should go for these loans is that you will not suffer from any problem over here. Neither will the lender turn you down and nor will he charge higher interest rates from you. You will get the opportunity to choose anyone from the two forms of loans.
Of the two forms the secured loans are good to approach for bigger financial assistance. Here you can borrow an amount up to £75,000 and pay it back within 5 to 25 years. The rate of interest in these loans is lower and for getting this you will just have to place your property as collateral.
For unsecured loans no such collateral is required but the rate of interest is comparatively higher. For avoiding it you can go through the loans available in the market and pick up any suitable loan.
Thus, for the bad credit wedding loans any type of bad credit record will do. You just approach it and get any amount of your desire. Credit records that are being allowed by it are County Court Judgments, arrears, defaults, late payment, skipping of installments and bankruptcy. No one will be ignored and can arrange their wedding ceremony just in the way as they wanted.
The most important reason for which you should go for these loans is that you will not suffer from any problem over here. Neither will the lender turn you down and nor will he charge higher interest rates from you. You will get the opportunity to choose anyone from the two forms of loans.
Of the two forms the secured loans are good to approach for bigger financial assistance. Here you can borrow an amount up to £75,000 and pay it back within 5 to 25 years. The rate of interest in these loans is lower and for getting this you will just have to place your property as collateral.
For unsecured loans no such collateral is required but the rate of interest is comparatively higher. For avoiding it you can go through the loans available in the market and pick up any suitable loan.
Thus, for the bad credit wedding loans any type of bad credit record will do. You just approach it and get any amount of your desire. Credit records that are being allowed by it are County Court Judgments, arrears, defaults, late payment, skipping of installments and bankruptcy. No one will be ignored and can arrange their wedding ceremony just in the way as they wanted.
Money and Marriage - Money Issues Can Spoil Your Marriage - Don't Let This Happen to You
You are in love and you could never imagine in a million years that money could possibly be an issue in your relationship. Unfortunately reality shows us that one of the major causes of a marriage failure is to do with money issues. It is especially common for those in a second marriage.
Many of us have been brought up to be private about our money. It's not the thing to do to talk about our finances with friends and other people -- some consider it to be vulgar. This means that we become reluctant to talk on money issues. The reality is that when you enter marriage you need to be more open with one another -- open and honest.
You both bring to the marriage a different view on finances. You have most likely been brought up to handle money differently. And you will most likely have very different spending personalities. Discussing your spending style is crucial as it is one of the first habits that will show cracks in your relationship. Getting married means looking at these differences, understanding them and coming up with compromises.
Set aside time each month to talk about money issues. Talk about your dreams for the future and the financial cost that this might entail. Do a budget and put money aside for your dream. Respect one another and make sure that each of you has your own money to spend without having to ask the other for permission -- this is a MUST.
Should you share your money and properties? If one of you brings more financial assets to the marriage you need to discuss this sooner rather than later. Further down the road it may become a major money issue. It may not sound romantic but you may even need to have legal documents drawn up to protect each of your assets. None of us likes to think that our marriage will not work but if you can talk honestly while you are still in love you will be fair to one another. A joint account can work well to build your finances together.
Money and marriage do not necessarily go hand in hand with happiness and therefore it is important that you look at money issues from the start with love, understanding, compromise, respect and honesty. Taking this approach can save a lot of heartache and misunderstanding. It will help you to weather some of the financial storms that befall all of us over time and can bring you closer together.
Many of us have been brought up to be private about our money. It's not the thing to do to talk about our finances with friends and other people -- some consider it to be vulgar. This means that we become reluctant to talk on money issues. The reality is that when you enter marriage you need to be more open with one another -- open and honest.
You both bring to the marriage a different view on finances. You have most likely been brought up to handle money differently. And you will most likely have very different spending personalities. Discussing your spending style is crucial as it is one of the first habits that will show cracks in your relationship. Getting married means looking at these differences, understanding them and coming up with compromises.
Set aside time each month to talk about money issues. Talk about your dreams for the future and the financial cost that this might entail. Do a budget and put money aside for your dream. Respect one another and make sure that each of you has your own money to spend without having to ask the other for permission -- this is a MUST.
Should you share your money and properties? If one of you brings more financial assets to the marriage you need to discuss this sooner rather than later. Further down the road it may become a major money issue. It may not sound romantic but you may even need to have legal documents drawn up to protect each of your assets. None of us likes to think that our marriage will not work but if you can talk honestly while you are still in love you will be fair to one another. A joint account can work well to build your finances together.
Money and marriage do not necessarily go hand in hand with happiness and therefore it is important that you look at money issues from the start with love, understanding, compromise, respect and honesty. Taking this approach can save a lot of heartache and misunderstanding. It will help you to weather some of the financial storms that befall all of us over time and can bring you closer together.
Money, Marriage and Kids
When it comes to money, opposites attract. Yep, according to a 2009 study of married couples, contrasts often prevail around finances, despite the fact that our similarities--e.g., shared interests--are usually the biggest romantic draw. In other words...
Tightwads & spendthrifts have the hots for each other...initially.
That helps explain why money is a source of stress in so many relationships. Add the cost of children to the mix and it's no wonder persistent financial disagreements, especially around debt, dampen marital happiness.
Take Jack and Ann*, for example. They've been together 6 years; they both have fulltime jobs and come home each night to a couple of great kids, ages 1 and 3.
When they first got together, Jack loved Ann's ease with money and didn't think twice about her spending habits. "Money is energy," she used to tell him. "If I keep it locked away, it stagnates. I need to let it flow." At the time, Jack wanted to flow more.
Though she wouldn't have admitted it then, Ann appreciated his self-discipline around money. She thought they complemented each other.
Like a lot of couples with contrasting money styles, getting married not only meant Jack and Ann began to share financial responsibilities, it also meant sharing debt.
Once that happened, once Jack "inherited" Ann's spending patterns and, especially, once they had children, he saw her as financially foolish and, more than that, reckless in her buying-habits, especially with kids' toys and clothes.
For Ann, what once looked like proof of Jack's self-discipline and responsibility morphed into him being a control-freak; a man who's increasingly rigid and ungenerous, especially when it comes to their children.
How have they responded to these dramatically altered financial portraits of each other? Jack's tried to forbid Ann from buying toys to which she's reacted by, um, buying more. One day, he got so frustrated he cut up their credit cards.
She volleyed back by hording cash, getting a credit card on the sly, and buying kids' stuff without him knowing; meaning, she responded with financial secrecy.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking to yourselves:
I'd never order my spouse around like that! OR...
How horrible to be a secret spender and lie!
But here's the thing: Acting out in response to things our spouses do or say-ordon't do or say-happens fairly often and, I'd venture, even those among us who are appalled by Jack or Ann's behavior have logged at least one less-than-stellar reaction to our beloveds at some point in our relationship.
Alas, efforts to restrain our mate's behaviors are usually temporary or amplify precisely what we're trying to control. And, just as our bids to control others feel oppressive and constricting, spending more or hiding expenditures erode trust.
What to do if we have contrasting attitudes, and behaviors, around money?
One approach is to tackle debt. If debt's a major source of marriage conflict, then diminishing or getting rid of it helps to resolve money issues. Logical, right?
Except managing debt--or at least starting there--keeps us so focused on the bottom line, we inadvertently make Jack's opinion more right. But the truth is less about who's right--after all, in our relationships, most if not all perspectives are right...partially--and more about figuring out how to navigate our financial and other differences.
Before turning our attention to debt, I suggest first spending time betterunderstanding each other. Doing so creates a foundation from which team-strategies can emerge.
Our attitudes and behaviors around money often reflect our values and priorities in life. If we discover and share what drives our attitudes and behaviors, we can find ways to appreciate differences and work collaboratively.
So ask each other a few questions:
What's important to you about your approach to money? How does your approach support your sense of fulfillment? How do you think it serves our family?
Now, acknowledge at least 1 element of your spouse's money-attitude yougenuinely think has merit (and, no, I don't believe you can't find 1). Finally, brainstorm about how to honor both of your money-attitudes, even if only partially and unevenly.
The goal isn't to get our own way. It's to hear each other out, validate our differing approaches to money, and negotiate a new strategy together.
Who knows? We might discover that us tightwads and spendthrifts still have the hots for each other, even after we get married, even after we have kids.
Tightwads & spendthrifts have the hots for each other...initially.
That helps explain why money is a source of stress in so many relationships. Add the cost of children to the mix and it's no wonder persistent financial disagreements, especially around debt, dampen marital happiness.
Take Jack and Ann*, for example. They've been together 6 years; they both have fulltime jobs and come home each night to a couple of great kids, ages 1 and 3.
When they first got together, Jack loved Ann's ease with money and didn't think twice about her spending habits. "Money is energy," she used to tell him. "If I keep it locked away, it stagnates. I need to let it flow." At the time, Jack wanted to flow more.
Though she wouldn't have admitted it then, Ann appreciated his self-discipline around money. She thought they complemented each other.
Like a lot of couples with contrasting money styles, getting married not only meant Jack and Ann began to share financial responsibilities, it also meant sharing debt.
Once that happened, once Jack "inherited" Ann's spending patterns and, especially, once they had children, he saw her as financially foolish and, more than that, reckless in her buying-habits, especially with kids' toys and clothes.
For Ann, what once looked like proof of Jack's self-discipline and responsibility morphed into him being a control-freak; a man who's increasingly rigid and ungenerous, especially when it comes to their children.
How have they responded to these dramatically altered financial portraits of each other? Jack's tried to forbid Ann from buying toys to which she's reacted by, um, buying more. One day, he got so frustrated he cut up their credit cards.
She volleyed back by hording cash, getting a credit card on the sly, and buying kids' stuff without him knowing; meaning, she responded with financial secrecy.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking to yourselves:
I'd never order my spouse around like that! OR...
How horrible to be a secret spender and lie!
But here's the thing: Acting out in response to things our spouses do or say-ordon't do or say-happens fairly often and, I'd venture, even those among us who are appalled by Jack or Ann's behavior have logged at least one less-than-stellar reaction to our beloveds at some point in our relationship.
Alas, efforts to restrain our mate's behaviors are usually temporary or amplify precisely what we're trying to control. And, just as our bids to control others feel oppressive and constricting, spending more or hiding expenditures erode trust.
What to do if we have contrasting attitudes, and behaviors, around money?
One approach is to tackle debt. If debt's a major source of marriage conflict, then diminishing or getting rid of it helps to resolve money issues. Logical, right?
Except managing debt--or at least starting there--keeps us so focused on the bottom line, we inadvertently make Jack's opinion more right. But the truth is less about who's right--after all, in our relationships, most if not all perspectives are right...partially--and more about figuring out how to navigate our financial and other differences.
Before turning our attention to debt, I suggest first spending time betterunderstanding each other. Doing so creates a foundation from which team-strategies can emerge.
Our attitudes and behaviors around money often reflect our values and priorities in life. If we discover and share what drives our attitudes and behaviors, we can find ways to appreciate differences and work collaboratively.
So ask each other a few questions:
What's important to you about your approach to money? How does your approach support your sense of fulfillment? How do you think it serves our family?
Now, acknowledge at least 1 element of your spouse's money-attitude yougenuinely think has merit (and, no, I don't believe you can't find 1). Finally, brainstorm about how to honor both of your money-attitudes, even if only partially and unevenly.
The goal isn't to get our own way. It's to hear each other out, validate our differing approaches to money, and negotiate a new strategy together.
Who knows? We might discover that us tightwads and spendthrifts still have the hots for each other, even after we get married, even after we have kids.
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