There's nothing like talking about money with our spouses that's guaranteed to get us fired up and on edge almost every time. So how can you, as a married female entrepreneur, have peaceful and productive money conversations with your spouse when you would rather walk out, hang up the home or slam the door because you're so angry and overwhelmed?
The way we can began to shift this for ourselves is to begin to ask ourselves if we are willing to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" to the money dynamics in our relationship. In other words are you willing to assume 100% responsibility for how your money conversations turn out?
Of course you can always find support from girlfriends and family members who will assure you that your husband is clearly at fault and is to blame for your financial circumstances. However if we always take the position that it's our spouse's fault then we do not have access to shifting our situation. Because if it's always our spouse's fault then all we can do is to passively wait for them to change. However, if you are willing to be 100% responsible for your financial situation then you begin to get your power back, because you always have the power to change yourself.
I shared this with one of my clients I was coaching recently and she was able to completely shift her relationship with her spouse by taking a "100% responsibility no excuse approach."
She would often get mad at her husband because he was very disorganized and hardly ever cleaned out his messes in the garage. So she asked herself, "Am I willing to be 100% responsible for how I'm experiencing this garage right now?"
Once she asked herself that question she realized that her husband wasn't intentionally keeping the garage dirty to get back at her. It wasn't personal. It was simply the way he was. She realized that she could choose to clean it up the garage or not. She decided to clean it up. And for the first time in their marriage she was able to clean it up without feeling bitter, resentful or angry with her husband.
This is really powerful and I want you go begin to play with this concept. The power will come from being willing to be 100% responsible in the moment even when it seems like there is absolutely no possible way that you could be responsible. Only by being will to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" will you be able to gain your power back and begin to shift the money dynamics in your relationship.