Can love survive a budget? Picture a newlywed couple talking dollars and cents and discussing money saving tips - not exactly the picture of romance! So, can love survive a budget? I say it can't survive without it.
Let me explain.
Money problems are often cited as the number one reason for divorce. Whether that's true or not is subject to debate but no one can argue that money problems are definitely a cause for friction in a relationship. Talking about money is such a taboo subject, but it's such an integral part of a long term relationship that I think it's essential to lay the groundwork.
Here are some tips on how to do that:
Talk about it upfront. Discuss who brings in how much and how it will be allocated. Agree on a budget.
One person has to be assigned as the one in charge of the household budget. This doesn't mean one is more powerful than the other. It's just a matter of matching tasks to personality. Click here [http://www.simple-tips-on-budgeting.com/money-personality.html] to find your money personality.
Decide on whether or not to merge your finances. I won't argue either camp because both options can work well as long as it's mutually agreed upon. to pay it down as soon as possible..
Set clear expectations of each others roles. Is it a 50/50 partnership where both parties are responsible for bringing in income? Or is one person, usually the man, expected to be the main breadwinner. Whatever arrangement works for your marriage and money. But spell it out so there is no misunderstanding.
If your spouse is bringing debt to the union while you are debt free, don't turn your back and say 'not my problem', because it could become your problem if you end up owning assets together (e.g. a house). Figure out a debt management plan.
Budgeting is by no means romantic. But when the bills are paid, debt is under control and there's money set aside for emergencies, it certainly frees you up for romance! Whatever romance your budget allows - a night out of splurging or love on a dime!
As my wedding day approaches, I am beginning to understand that marriage is not just a union of love; it's also a joint venture that includes the combining of financial assets. Cue the discussion of The Shared Bank Account.
Dealing With Marriage and Money Issues By Libby Haynes Ads by Google Free Chat Rooms For Websites www.Paltalk.com Join the #1 Video Chat Community. F
In this age we are living in, where we are facing worldwide failures of economy and most countries being bailed out, it is not surprising if you have financial difficulties in your marriage. You are sure to hit financial tidal waves; especially the newly weds - being hit the hardest, as this is a phenomenon that nobody can avoid.
The causes and burdens of financial issues in a marriage
Research has proven that financial issues are the primary reason for 90 percent of divorce cases in the world today. It's not a matter of what you earn that leads to difficulties but your spending habits, where the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing. This usually is more vivid in relationships where there is a total lack of communication.
There are various causes for financial problems in a marriage. Situations such as uncertainty, unemployment, and financial hardship will surely hurt your marriage if the two of you avoid talking with one another or if either of you prefer hiding your head in the sand instead of dealing with the issues at hand.
Practical solutions to avoid financial issues in a marriage
There are various principles that couples can adhere to, so they can avoid money problems. Below are a few suggestions:
First of all, being honest with each other is very important.. You need to share your concerns over money and deal with them in a respectful way. As a result of them finding common grounds to deal with their financial issues, couples with differing financial habits and attitudes have been able to make it work and so can you.
Take some time off to think about your financial expectations and goals. Try to come up with solutions about your family's attitude towards spending and their financial habits and together set realistic expectations and goals that are achievable. Do not spend what you do not have, learn to differentiate between what you want and actually need, credit cards and unnecessary loans will only sink you further. If you want something, save up until you can actually get them. You will have to learn how to prioritize your goals, e.g. what to spend on children, pets, home, bills, savings, entertainment etc. Develop and live within a budget.
Money should not be a cause for divorce, so avoid having a fight over it at all costs. If you spend too much time fighting over money instead of nurturing your home, it will surely bring financial stress in your marriage. In turn this is what leads to couples deciding that they would be better on their own, without realizing that they also take the burdens of their debts with them when they do get divorce and it also bring with it more financial burdens, which you could have avoided, if you had only sort out your financial problems instead of running away from them. Very often, people who are under stress often fail to notice and acknowledge the good in their spouses and children. Instead of showing gratitude, they try their best to undermine them and as a result mutual trust and obligations in a healthy family are lost completely, creating the psychological equivalent of a credit crunch and as a last resort, divorce.
Today, there are various institutions where people with deep financial difficulties can get help and advice. If your problems are so severe that you feel that you are not able to get out of them on your own, then try to get the financial help if needed. It does not mean that you are sharing your marriage problems with the outside world, but it is a chance for both of you to get to talk about it with professionals and together work towards a common solution. Believe me, it does work.
Following these tips will bring a financial bond into your marriage and a sense of empowerment as you make progress in accomplishing your financial goals together. No one likes to talk about money, but very often, it is necessary. By starting early in the marriage, you can create a healthy habit so money talk will become a natural part of your relationship. Remember, you are a team, keep the conversations flowing and together, you will be able to work things out.
If you are ready to Deal With Your Marriage Crisis then you have come to the right place.
That's right. this free report will show you exactly how you too can get instant access to information that can help you deal with money issues and save your marriage at the same time even if you are the only one interested.
The causes and burdens of financial issues in a marriage
Research has proven that financial issues are the primary reason for 90 percent of divorce cases in the world today. It's not a matter of what you earn that leads to difficulties but your spending habits, where the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing. This usually is more vivid in relationships where there is a total lack of communication.
There are various causes for financial problems in a marriage. Situations such as uncertainty, unemployment, and financial hardship will surely hurt your marriage if the two of you avoid talking with one another or if either of you prefer hiding your head in the sand instead of dealing with the issues at hand.
Practical solutions to avoid financial issues in a marriage
There are various principles that couples can adhere to, so they can avoid money problems. Below are a few suggestions:
First of all, being honest with each other is very important.. You need to share your concerns over money and deal with them in a respectful way. As a result of them finding common grounds to deal with their financial issues, couples with differing financial habits and attitudes have been able to make it work and so can you.
Take some time off to think about your financial expectations and goals. Try to come up with solutions about your family's attitude towards spending and their financial habits and together set realistic expectations and goals that are achievable. Do not spend what you do not have, learn to differentiate between what you want and actually need, credit cards and unnecessary loans will only sink you further. If you want something, save up until you can actually get them. You will have to learn how to prioritize your goals, e.g. what to spend on children, pets, home, bills, savings, entertainment etc. Develop and live within a budget.
Money should not be a cause for divorce, so avoid having a fight over it at all costs. If you spend too much time fighting over money instead of nurturing your home, it will surely bring financial stress in your marriage. In turn this is what leads to couples deciding that they would be better on their own, without realizing that they also take the burdens of their debts with them when they do get divorce and it also bring with it more financial burdens, which you could have avoided, if you had only sort out your financial problems instead of running away from them. Very often, people who are under stress often fail to notice and acknowledge the good in their spouses and children. Instead of showing gratitude, they try their best to undermine them and as a result mutual trust and obligations in a healthy family are lost completely, creating the psychological equivalent of a credit crunch and as a last resort, divorce.
Today, there are various institutions where people with deep financial difficulties can get help and advice. If your problems are so severe that you feel that you are not able to get out of them on your own, then try to get the financial help if needed. It does not mean that you are sharing your marriage problems with the outside world, but it is a chance for both of you to get to talk about it with professionals and together work towards a common solution. Believe me, it does work.
Following these tips will bring a financial bond into your marriage and a sense of empowerment as you make progress in accomplishing your financial goals together. No one likes to talk about money, but very often, it is necessary. By starting early in the marriage, you can create a healthy habit so money talk will become a natural part of your relationship. Remember, you are a team, keep the conversations flowing and together, you will be able to work things out.
If you are ready to Deal With Your Marriage Crisis then you have come to the right place.
That's right. this free report will show you exactly how you too can get instant access to information that can help you deal with money issues and save your marriage at the same time even if you are the only one interested.
Should I Stay Married Just Because of Money? My Advice Based on Experience
Lately, I've been getting a lot of emails from folks who ask me if they should stay married because they can't afford to get a divorce. One example is the stay at home mom who has been out of the work force for quite some time and knows that her income would not be enough to support herself or her children, even with child support. Another example is the husband (or sometimes the wife who is the main earner) who knows that should they divorce their spouse, that same spouse is going to be entitled to half of all their earnings and assets.
It's common knowledge that the standard of living and wealth goes ways down for everyone in the household following a divorce. It just costs a lot more to maintain two households than it does to maintain one. However, this sometimes seems a small price to pay if you are just extremely unhappy in your marriage. I often get comments like: "The only reason that my spouse and I are together is because we can't afford to separate or divorce," or "I don't love my wife (or husband) anymore, but I know that I could not afford to divorce them." I'll address these concerns in the following article.
Tough Martial Decisions In Today's Economy: There is no question that we are seeing less divorces today because of the economy. Folks who may well have divorced a couple of years ago are now staying married because of money issues. Some folks have come up with creative solutions like separating but living under one roof while still trying to maintain each spouse's privacy and independence. This situation can provide it's own set of challenges but many feel that it's better to stick it out this way than to lose the family home or to ruin the credit of both spouses. The upside to this is that some of these couples are finding that although it was the money that made them stick it out, eventually it was a mutual affection and love for their family which allowed them to work it out and to save the marriage. Often delaying the normal inclination to just divorce or walk away when things get tough allows people the time and the distance that they need to see that working things out so that each party ultimately gets the marriage that they want is quite possible.
Letting Money Be Your Motivation To Not Only Delay The Divorce, But The Save The Marriage: I know that when you found this article, you probably weren't looking for an article on saving your marriage. You probably wanted ideas on how to make the divorce or separation work even with the money limitations. Unfortunately, that's not advice that I feel qualified to give. In my own experience, my mother had no marketable skills when she divorced my father. She went from being a house wife to being a clerk at the 7 11. My sister and I went from a comfortable existence to suddenly worrying about being hungry or losing our home, and this was even with the child support that my father was ordered to pay by the courts. I can tell you that both my sister and I deeply wished that our parents had been able to work it out. We were only able to stay in our home because our grandparents helped my mother out financially.
And, my father walked away from his three bedroom home with all of the sprawling oak trees that he'd planted by hand to a garage apartment that smelled of whatever the homeowner was cooking. There was no bedroom there for my sister and I. When we visited, my dad took the couch. I would venture to say that for the several years following the divorce, every member of our family greatly suffered. Could they have made it work? I don't know. I never walked in my parent's shoes, but their marriage was not an abusive one and I do believe that they loved one another, but neither of them had any communication or negotiation skills to speak of. Could they have learned them? Absolutely.
My point in telling you this is to show you that no matter how bad you think your marriage is or how unhappy you may think you are, divorce can be just as painful and non fulfilling. I can't tell you how many people write to me and confess that they are just as unhappy divorced as they were married. The truth is, if the only change that you make in your life is your marital status, this is unlikely to solve all of your problems.
Sure, there are some marriages that are irretrievably broken and this is especially true in cases of abuse. But, as long as this is not your case and you're in a holding pattern right now anyway, why not ask yourself if you could put more time and effort into your marriage? Because I believe that many marriages only suffer from a lack of effort and from neglect. Today's society and work place is so fast paced and so competitive that we often do not have the time for other things that are Often when I tell people this, they'll respond with things like "it's just too late or why do I have to do all the work?" I see this point, but I can also tell you that most people would rather be happy than to be right. Being indignant will only allow you to be right but to be alone.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, appreciated, and understood. We want to know that someone understands us and values us and that we matter. But often to get this, we have to give before we get. Marriage is reciprocal. So if you want more affection, attention, and efforts from your spouse, you often have to give this first. But, the rewards can be great. Imagine if your spouse was a source of support for you in these harsh economic times rather than part of the problem.
It's common knowledge that the standard of living and wealth goes ways down for everyone in the household following a divorce. It just costs a lot more to maintain two households than it does to maintain one. However, this sometimes seems a small price to pay if you are just extremely unhappy in your marriage. I often get comments like: "The only reason that my spouse and I are together is because we can't afford to separate or divorce," or "I don't love my wife (or husband) anymore, but I know that I could not afford to divorce them." I'll address these concerns in the following article.
Tough Martial Decisions In Today's Economy: There is no question that we are seeing less divorces today because of the economy. Folks who may well have divorced a couple of years ago are now staying married because of money issues. Some folks have come up with creative solutions like separating but living under one roof while still trying to maintain each spouse's privacy and independence. This situation can provide it's own set of challenges but many feel that it's better to stick it out this way than to lose the family home or to ruin the credit of both spouses. The upside to this is that some of these couples are finding that although it was the money that made them stick it out, eventually it was a mutual affection and love for their family which allowed them to work it out and to save the marriage. Often delaying the normal inclination to just divorce or walk away when things get tough allows people the time and the distance that they need to see that working things out so that each party ultimately gets the marriage that they want is quite possible.
Letting Money Be Your Motivation To Not Only Delay The Divorce, But The Save The Marriage: I know that when you found this article, you probably weren't looking for an article on saving your marriage. You probably wanted ideas on how to make the divorce or separation work even with the money limitations. Unfortunately, that's not advice that I feel qualified to give. In my own experience, my mother had no marketable skills when she divorced my father. She went from being a house wife to being a clerk at the 7 11. My sister and I went from a comfortable existence to suddenly worrying about being hungry or losing our home, and this was even with the child support that my father was ordered to pay by the courts. I can tell you that both my sister and I deeply wished that our parents had been able to work it out. We were only able to stay in our home because our grandparents helped my mother out financially.
And, my father walked away from his three bedroom home with all of the sprawling oak trees that he'd planted by hand to a garage apartment that smelled of whatever the homeowner was cooking. There was no bedroom there for my sister and I. When we visited, my dad took the couch. I would venture to say that for the several years following the divorce, every member of our family greatly suffered. Could they have made it work? I don't know. I never walked in my parent's shoes, but their marriage was not an abusive one and I do believe that they loved one another, but neither of them had any communication or negotiation skills to speak of. Could they have learned them? Absolutely.
My point in telling you this is to show you that no matter how bad you think your marriage is or how unhappy you may think you are, divorce can be just as painful and non fulfilling. I can't tell you how many people write to me and confess that they are just as unhappy divorced as they were married. The truth is, if the only change that you make in your life is your marital status, this is unlikely to solve all of your problems.
Sure, there are some marriages that are irretrievably broken and this is especially true in cases of abuse. But, as long as this is not your case and you're in a holding pattern right now anyway, why not ask yourself if you could put more time and effort into your marriage? Because I believe that many marriages only suffer from a lack of effort and from neglect. Today's society and work place is so fast paced and so competitive that we often do not have the time for other things that are Often when I tell people this, they'll respond with things like "it's just too late or why do I have to do all the work?" I see this point, but I can also tell you that most people would rather be happy than to be right. Being indignant will only allow you to be right but to be alone.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, appreciated, and understood. We want to know that someone understands us and values us and that we matter. But often to get this, we have to give before we get. Marriage is reciprocal. So if you want more affection, attention, and efforts from your spouse, you often have to give this first. But, the rewards can be great. Imagine if your spouse was a source of support for you in these harsh economic times rather than part of the problem.
Why Money Matters in Marriage
As the old Beatles song goes, "Money can't buy me love." However, the fact remains that money plays a very important role in our relationships.
Indeed, if you have decided to get engaged, this is when the soul-searching begins. No, I'm not referring to choosing the perfect caterer for your dream wedding, but to the realities of everyday life. Ideally, when you were still dating, you and your partner probably discussed finances, and perhaps even commented on how your parents run their own households. But now that there's a new life ahead of you, you can determine your own financial future.
Getting married definitely changes your financial landscape. So don't only talk about wedding halls and caterers. Discuss your single credit card bills and spending habits. Decide whether you'll have a joint account or a combination of separate and joint accounts. Discuss your long-term financial goals as well as the daily technical stuff, such as who will balance the checkbook and pay the bills. Most importantly, be open and honest with each other about your finances.
Take care of the paperwork
At the same time, whether this is your first or second marriage, make or update your will. Review your health and life insurance policies (and rental insurance if you'll be renting). Do names need to be changed on bank statements and cell phone bills? Calculate a combined net worth to know where you are as a couple and then develop a budget. If you begin your married life with a clear financial picture and goals, you have a greater chance of avoiding the finance-related conflicts that plague many couples.
Overspending strains budgets and relationships. All too often, financial difficulties are a key factor in divorce. One client, in the midst of a divorce, told me, "We made some poor financial decisions when married, but now that I'm leaving her, it's impossible to escape the consequences of those decisions. I'll be paying off the accumulated joint debt and child support for decades." Indeed, there's a reason why divorcees frequently have a lower life style when separated than while living together: two households are more expensive to run than one. If you see your ex living it high, while you're keeping to a tight budget, don't assume s/he knows what s/he's doing and is living the good life. Being practical and budget-minded may not be fun, but these are the characteristics of building a solid fiscal foundation.
Whether newly married or newly divorced, when you're standing at the crossroads of your life, take the greatest care that the decisions you make are financially sound.
Disclaimer: Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the director of Profile Investment Services and the host of the Goldstein on Gelt radio show. He is a licensed financial professional both in the U.S. and Israel. Securities offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, NFA, SIFMA. Accounts carried by National Financial Services LLC. Member NYSE/SIPC, a Fidelity Investments company.
Indeed, if you have decided to get engaged, this is when the soul-searching begins. No, I'm not referring to choosing the perfect caterer for your dream wedding, but to the realities of everyday life. Ideally, when you were still dating, you and your partner probably discussed finances, and perhaps even commented on how your parents run their own households. But now that there's a new life ahead of you, you can determine your own financial future.
Getting married definitely changes your financial landscape. So don't only talk about wedding halls and caterers. Discuss your single credit card bills and spending habits. Decide whether you'll have a joint account or a combination of separate and joint accounts. Discuss your long-term financial goals as well as the daily technical stuff, such as who will balance the checkbook and pay the bills. Most importantly, be open and honest with each other about your finances.
Take care of the paperwork
At the same time, whether this is your first or second marriage, make or update your will. Review your health and life insurance policies (and rental insurance if you'll be renting). Do names need to be changed on bank statements and cell phone bills? Calculate a combined net worth to know where you are as a couple and then develop a budget. If you begin your married life with a clear financial picture and goals, you have a greater chance of avoiding the finance-related conflicts that plague many couples.
Overspending strains budgets and relationships. All too often, financial difficulties are a key factor in divorce. One client, in the midst of a divorce, told me, "We made some poor financial decisions when married, but now that I'm leaving her, it's impossible to escape the consequences of those decisions. I'll be paying off the accumulated joint debt and child support for decades." Indeed, there's a reason why divorcees frequently have a lower life style when separated than while living together: two households are more expensive to run than one. If you see your ex living it high, while you're keeping to a tight budget, don't assume s/he knows what s/he's doing and is living the good life. Being practical and budget-minded may not be fun, but these are the characteristics of building a solid fiscal foundation.
Whether newly married or newly divorced, when you're standing at the crossroads of your life, take the greatest care that the decisions you make are financially sound.
Disclaimer: Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the director of Profile Investment Services and the host of the Goldstein on Gelt radio show. He is a licensed financial professional both in the U.S. and Israel. Securities offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, NFA, SIFMA. Accounts carried by National Financial Services LLC. Member NYSE/SIPC, a Fidelity Investments company.
Marriage and Money Issues
Once upon a time the main reason for marriage was to become financially independent fro your original family and simply moving out of the house with dignity. Today seeing a marriage as a financial unit is far less in the priorities of the reason's to get married, and love has become the major reason for getting married. This is because nowadays both men and women can earn a living and be financially independent from their parents.
However, a lot of arguments dealing with loans and other money issues occur in most marriages. It is after all a delicate subject; what you had as your own prior to the marriage becomes mutual property and you are no longer a single financial unit. High expenses therefore require consulting each other and consideration for your dual budget and ability to loan money has a certain limit. If for example one of you is a spender while the other saves almost every dime, you are more likely to have arguments revolving around money.
You would be surprised on the amount of information on how to deal with this you can find online. To make it more personal, you can address an online therapist that has a good financial consultation to offer you. Coping with money problems is important, and you should have at least once a year a profound conversation about your financial status. In order to avoid money conflicts and too many dramas, try talking it out while listening to each other's money needs on his or her everyday basis. Keep in mind that life is far from being cheap, especially if you like to live like today may be the last day of your life.
Saving a little on the side for later is always good, but try not to overdo it - not spend too much each day nor save everything for later. Having separate bank accounts is also healthy since it gives you more liberty to manage your money responsibly without getting remarks from your partner on how much you spend and for what reason. This also helps to avoid confusion when your credit card bill arrives, keeping track of your personal expenses. If you find a reasonable solution to your money issues online and by talking it out, stick to it. Money buys you a certain freedom, but not love. So keep the love and happiness going and decrease your problems concerning money to the minimum.
However, a lot of arguments dealing with loans and other money issues occur in most marriages. It is after all a delicate subject; what you had as your own prior to the marriage becomes mutual property and you are no longer a single financial unit. High expenses therefore require consulting each other and consideration for your dual budget and ability to loan money has a certain limit. If for example one of you is a spender while the other saves almost every dime, you are more likely to have arguments revolving around money.
You would be surprised on the amount of information on how to deal with this you can find online. To make it more personal, you can address an online therapist that has a good financial consultation to offer you. Coping with money problems is important, and you should have at least once a year a profound conversation about your financial status. In order to avoid money conflicts and too many dramas, try talking it out while listening to each other's money needs on his or her everyday basis. Keep in mind that life is far from being cheap, especially if you like to live like today may be the last day of your life.
Saving a little on the side for later is always good, but try not to overdo it - not spend too much each day nor save everything for later. Having separate bank accounts is also healthy since it gives you more liberty to manage your money responsibly without getting remarks from your partner on how much you spend and for what reason. This also helps to avoid confusion when your credit card bill arrives, keeping track of your personal expenses. If you find a reasonable solution to your money issues online and by talking it out, stick to it. Money buys you a certain freedom, but not love. So keep the love and happiness going and decrease your problems concerning money to the minimum.
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