Married Female Entrepreneurs: Money Problems in Your Marriage? How You Can Have Peaceful Money Talks

There's nothing like talking about money with our spouses that's guaranteed to get us fired up and on edge almost every time. So how can you, as a married female entrepreneur, have peaceful and productive money conversations with your spouse when you would rather walk out, hang up the home or slam the door because you're so angry and overwhelmed?

The way we can began to shift this for ourselves is to begin to ask ourselves if we are willing to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" to the money dynamics in our relationship. In other words are you willing to assume 100% responsibility for how your money conversations turn out?

Of course you can always find support from girlfriends and family members who will assure you that your husband is clearly at fault and is to blame for your financial circumstances. However if we always take the position that it's our spouse's fault then we do not have access to shifting our situation. Because if it's always our spouse's fault then all we can do is to passively wait for them to change. However, if you are willing to be 100% responsible for your financial situation then you begin to get your power back, because you always have the power to change yourself.

I shared this with one of my clients I was coaching recently and she was able to completely shift her relationship with her spouse by taking a "100% responsibility no excuse approach."

She would often get mad at her husband because he was very disorganized and hardly ever cleaned out his messes in the garage. So she asked herself, "Am I willing to be 100% responsible for how I'm experiencing this garage right now?"

Once she asked herself that question she realized that her husband wasn't intentionally keeping the garage dirty to get back at her. It wasn't personal. It was simply the way he was. She realized that she could choose to clean it up the garage or not. She decided to clean it up. And for the first time in their marriage she was able to clean it up without feeling bitter, resentful or angry with her husband.

This is really powerful and I want you go begin to play with this concept. The power will come from being willing to be 100% responsible in the moment even when it seems like there is absolutely no possible way that you could be responsible. Only by being will to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" will you be able to gain your power back and begin to shift the money dynamics in your relationship.

Of Fiancees and Finances - Discussing Money Matters Before Marriage

The harsh truth is that most newlywed couples have never even gone through an in-depth discussion about finances before they hit the aisle. What they don't know is that more often than not, financial problems are the biggest cause of fights and miscommunication, and just down the road to that is divorce. So if your lady is hearing wedding bells and you're thinking of settling down with the woman of your dreams, then it's a go signal for talking about the future including the 'money talk'. Be very careful to approach the subject though, because if it's done right it could be a great help for the two of you, but if not, it might just be a huge turn off and a deal breaker.

All financial issues are important to deal with before you marry: assets, credits, loans, debts (especially debts!), and other legal binding contracts. Start by procuring copies of your assets and savings, and don't be embarrassed when discussing debts. Get your latest credit reports and talk to each other about your concerns or what the next best step should be.
How do you pay for the wedding reception and honeymoon? Because the three just don't magically appear along with the ceremony itself. Weddings, whether it be grand or small, is an occasion that both of you should pay attention to when it comes to costs and limits. Due to the recent crisis and economic downturn, so many people look down on couples who spend so much on a wedding. It's a real waste to have a cakes, decors, suits and dresses that can set you back on thousands of dollars, when you can use it in some way that will give you and your budding family a solid foundation on finances. It's best to consider how much you can seriously spend without aggravating other problems like previous loans and other unpaid bills.
A marriage is a celebration of true love joining together... but it's also a coming together of finances and assets as well. Try as we may, we just can't remove the financial facts of the two people involved, as from now on until death do them part, they are going to share and share alike. Though they say pre-nups are an incredibly touchy subject, it shouldn't come as a surprise and should be taken into serious consideration. So whoever brings the subject up, remove the nagging thought that it's an "insult" to the relationship (pre-nups are a major mood killer.) or that it's a pessimist thought that your union will dissolve in a divorce. Appreciate the fact that it is a practical idea.

Remember that you're ultimately going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so it's important that communication is paramount. Many soon-to-be-wedded couples belatedly realize there are money matters that have long-term consequences. Marriage is a partnership, discuss your financial goals, bank accounts and savings. Work on your life together!
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