Married Female Entrepreneurs: Money Problems in Your Marriage? How You Can Have Peaceful Money Talks
The way we can began to shift this for ourselves is to begin to ask ourselves if we are willing to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" to the money dynamics in our relationship. In other words are you willing to assume 100% responsibility for how your money conversations turn out?
Of course you can always find support from girlfriends and family members who will assure you that your husband is clearly at fault and is to blame for your financial circumstances. However if we always take the position that it's our spouse's fault then we do not have access to shifting our situation. Because if it's always our spouse's fault then all we can do is to passively wait for them to change. However, if you are willing to be 100% responsible for your financial situation then you begin to get your power back, because you always have the power to change yourself.
I shared this with one of my clients I was coaching recently and she was able to completely shift her relationship with her spouse by taking a "100% responsibility no excuse approach."
She would often get mad at her husband because he was very disorganized and hardly ever cleaned out his messes in the garage. So she asked herself, "Am I willing to be 100% responsible for how I'm experiencing this garage right now?"
Once she asked herself that question she realized that her husband wasn't intentionally keeping the garage dirty to get back at her. It wasn't personal. It was simply the way he was. She realized that she could choose to clean it up the garage or not. She decided to clean it up. And for the first time in their marriage she was able to clean it up without feeling bitter, resentful or angry with her husband.
This is really powerful and I want you go begin to play with this concept. The power will come from being willing to be 100% responsible in the moment even when it seems like there is absolutely no possible way that you could be responsible. Only by being will to take a "100% responsibility no excuse approach" will you be able to gain your power back and begin to shift the money dynamics in your relationship.
All financial issues are important to deal with before you marry: assets, credits, loans, debts (especially debts!), and other legal binding contracts. Start by procuring copies of your assets and savings, and don't be embarrassed when discussing debts. Get your latest credit reports and talk to each other about your concerns or what the next best step should be.
How do you pay for the wedding reception and honeymoon? Because the three just don't magically appear along with the ceremony itself. Weddings, whether it be grand or small, is an occasion that both of you should pay attention to when it comes to costs and limits. Due to the recent crisis and economic downturn, so many people look down on couples who spend so much on a wedding. It's a real waste to have a cakes, decors, suits and dresses that can set you back on thousands of dollars, when you can use it in some way that will give you and your budding family a solid foundation on finances. It's best to consider how much you can seriously spend without aggravating other problems like previous loans and other unpaid bills.
A marriage is a celebration of true love joining together... but it's also a coming together of finances and assets as well. Try as we may, we just can't remove the financial facts of the two people involved, as from now on until death do them part, they are going to share and share alike. Though they say pre-nups are an incredibly touchy subject, it shouldn't come as a surprise and should be taken into serious consideration. So whoever brings the subject up, remove the nagging thought that it's an "insult" to the relationship (pre-nups are a major mood killer.) or that it's a pessimist thought that your union will dissolve in a divorce. Appreciate the fact that it is a practical idea.
Remember that you're ultimately going to spend the rest of your life with this person, so it's important that communication is paramount. Many soon-to-be-wedded couples belatedly realize there are money matters that have long-term consequences. Marriage is a partnership, discuss your financial goals, bank accounts and savings. Work on your life together!
The most important reason for which you should go for these loans is that you will not suffer from any problem over here. Neither will the lender turn you down and nor will he charge higher interest rates from you. You will get the opportunity to choose anyone from the two forms of loans.
Of the two forms the secured loans are good to approach for bigger financial assistance. Here you can borrow an amount up to £75,000 and pay it back within 5 to 25 years. The rate of interest in these loans is lower and for getting this you will just have to place your property as collateral.
For unsecured loans no such collateral is required but the rate of interest is comparatively higher. For avoiding it you can go through the loans available in the market and pick up any suitable loan.
Thus, for the bad credit wedding loans any type of bad credit record will do. You just approach it and get any amount of your desire. Credit records that are being allowed by it are County Court Judgments, arrears, defaults, late payment, skipping of installments and bankruptcy. No one will be ignored and can arrange their wedding ceremony just in the way as they wanted.
Many of us have been brought up to be private about our money. It's not the thing to do to talk about our finances with friends and other people -- some consider it to be vulgar. This means that we become reluctant to talk on money issues. The reality is that when you enter marriage you need to be more open with one another -- open and honest.
You both bring to the marriage a different view on finances. You have most likely been brought up to handle money differently. And you will most likely have very different spending personalities. Discussing your spending style is crucial as it is one of the first habits that will show cracks in your relationship. Getting married means looking at these differences, understanding them and coming up with compromises.
Set aside time each month to talk about money issues. Talk about your dreams for the future and the financial cost that this might entail. Do a budget and put money aside for your dream. Respect one another and make sure that each of you has your own money to spend without having to ask the other for permission -- this is a MUST.
Should you share your money and properties? If one of you brings more financial assets to the marriage you need to discuss this sooner rather than later. Further down the road it may become a major money issue. It may not sound romantic but you may even need to have legal documents drawn up to protect each of your assets. None of us likes to think that our marriage will not work but if you can talk honestly while you are still in love you will be fair to one another. A joint account can work well to build your finances together.
Money and marriage do not necessarily go hand in hand with happiness and therefore it is important that you look at money issues from the start with love, understanding, compromise, respect and honesty. Taking this approach can save a lot of heartache and misunderstanding. It will help you to weather some of the financial storms that befall all of us over time and can bring you closer together.
Tightwads & spendthrifts have the hots for each other...initially.
That helps explain why money is a source of stress in so many relationships. Add the cost of children to the mix and it's no wonder persistent financial disagreements, especially around debt, dampen marital happiness.
Take Jack and Ann*, for example. They've been together 6 years; they both have fulltime jobs and come home each night to a couple of great kids, ages 1 and 3.
When they first got together, Jack loved Ann's ease with money and didn't think twice about her spending habits. "Money is energy," she used to tell him. "If I keep it locked away, it stagnates. I need to let it flow." At the time, Jack wanted to flow more.
Though she wouldn't have admitted it then, Ann appreciated his self-discipline around money. She thought they complemented each other.
Like a lot of couples with contrasting money styles, getting married not only meant Jack and Ann began to share financial responsibilities, it also meant sharing debt.
Once that happened, once Jack "inherited" Ann's spending patterns and, especially, once they had children, he saw her as financially foolish and, more than that, reckless in her buying-habits, especially with kids' toys and clothes.
For Ann, what once looked like proof of Jack's self-discipline and responsibility morphed into him being a control-freak; a man who's increasingly rigid and ungenerous, especially when it comes to their children.
How have they responded to these dramatically altered financial portraits of each other? Jack's tried to forbid Ann from buying toys to which she's reacted by, um, buying more. One day, he got so frustrated he cut up their credit cards.
She volleyed back by hording cash, getting a credit card on the sly, and buying kids' stuff without him knowing; meaning, she responded with financial secrecy.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking to yourselves:
I'd never order my spouse around like that! OR...
How horrible to be a secret spender and lie!
But here's the thing: Acting out in response to things our spouses do or say-ordon't do or say-happens fairly often and, I'd venture, even those among us who are appalled by Jack or Ann's behavior have logged at least one less-than-stellar reaction to our beloveds at some point in our relationship.
Alas, efforts to restrain our mate's behaviors are usually temporary or amplify precisely what we're trying to control. And, just as our bids to control others feel oppressive and constricting, spending more or hiding expenditures erode trust.
What to do if we have contrasting attitudes, and behaviors, around money?
One approach is to tackle debt. If debt's a major source of marriage conflict, then diminishing or getting rid of it helps to resolve money issues. Logical, right?
Except managing debt--or at least starting there--keeps us so focused on the bottom line, we inadvertently make Jack's opinion more right. But the truth is less about who's right--after all, in our relationships, most if not all perspectives are right...partially--and more about figuring out how to navigate our financial and other differences.
Before turning our attention to debt, I suggest first spending time betterunderstanding each other. Doing so creates a foundation from which team-strategies can emerge.
Our attitudes and behaviors around money often reflect our values and priorities in life. If we discover and share what drives our attitudes and behaviors, we can find ways to appreciate differences and work collaboratively.
So ask each other a few questions:
What's important to you about your approach to money? How does your approach support your sense of fulfillment? How do you think it serves our family?
Now, acknowledge at least 1 element of your spouse's money-attitude yougenuinely think has merit (and, no, I don't believe you can't find 1). Finally, brainstorm about how to honor both of your money-attitudes, even if only partially and unevenly.
The goal isn't to get our own way. It's to hear each other out, validate our differing approaches to money, and negotiate a new strategy together.
Who knows? We might discover that us tightwads and spendthrifts still have the hots for each other, even after we get married, even after we have kids.
Marriage and money, however, can be compatible. Couples, though, need to work at it, bringing their expectations, historical spending habits, personal needs, and lifestyle desires to the table for open discussion.
Following are some tips that can be used to prevent marital problems spurred by financial issues:
1. Learn your spouse's spending style, and determine whether it is compatible with your own. If you discover issues that may lead to problems in the marriage, address them up front, or at the very latest as soon as they are uncovered.
If you ignore differences in your separate spending habits, they can easily lead to arguments that literally have the potential over time to become the end of your marriage.
2. Save money and shop wisely whenever possible, even if you have money to burn. Regardless of what you commit your finances to, it never hurts to spend time unearthing the best value for your dollar. Doing so may even prevent needless conflict from developing in your marriage - although admittedly, doing so might also stir it up if one of you loves to spend. In that case, back to point 1 above...
3. When you are out as a couple evaluating potential purchases, don't be afraid to discuss money issues to make the best decisions for your financial situation. While these discussions may not prevent all financial disagreements, they have the potential to at least diffuse some of them - and to keep open the lines of communication in your marriage.
4. Marriages require trust to be successful - and that also includes trust in financial matters. So be realistic when dividing up financial responsibilities based on individual capabilities and interests rather than on who earns what. For example, maybe one of you is particularly good at generating income while the other is great at investing. Exploit your talents for the greater good.
5. Never underestimate the importance of budgeting your income rather than simply pulling out a plastic card first and asking questions later. Most people who fail to commit time planning ahead regret their impulsiveness later, winding up in otherwise easily avoidable financial binds - and added marital stress.
In addition to preserving your financial security, budgeting your finances is a great way to spend time together as a couple as well as improve your communication skills. You learn a lot about your mate during a budget discussion.
There is absolutely no need for that 80% of marriages which fail to do so because of money issues. Taking simple steps to handle your finances as a couple can help your marriage endure and thrive over the long-run.
One driving mantra that perpetuates the frentic lifestyle is time is money. The emotion that money evokes for many is the fear of losing it. To combat this fear, you may try to acquire more and more, as if somehow large quantities will protect you from your fear. But if you are predisposed to fear, you will feel it no matter how rich you are. For most people, money is associated with work. Working for money gets you out of bed in the morning, and can energize you and move you forward. As you strive for success, you hope that more money will flow. The striving helps you stay vibrant and alive, but placing too much emphasis on financial rewards can limit your options. Yet, the emotions around money can be destructive. You might become jealous and come to resent anyone who has more money than you do. Or you might use money to gain power over others, thus creating superficial and controlling relationships. Couples are especially vulnerable to money-related conflicts. One partner wants to spend more, the other less. One believes that money is the most important contribution to the relationship, the other partner believes that emotional support is more important. However, money woes may really be a smokescreen that hides complex problems related to intimacy.
Let me tell you about Natalie (30) and Paul (30). They have been married for 8 years and have 2 daughters, 8 and 6. They met at a health club in Manhattan. Natalie was studying nursing and Paul was a massage therapist. They married and in order to make money, Paul became a real estate agent. Natalie quit her studies and raised her daughters. They moved to the suburbs of Long Island. Now 15 years later, Paul is fed up with his job and wants Natalie to pick up some of the slack.
Natalie: I'm so glad you're home on time. I have my aromatherapy course tonight.
Paul: Your what?
Natalie: I told you. Aromatherapy. I'm picking up Melissa, you know my friend from Jazzercise...I made veal parmesan. You can pop it in the microwave. Janie's at basketball practice and Lindsey is coming home soon. Marge is dropping her off. Oh and there's a salad in the fridge. And Janie has math homework she needs help with.
Paul: (picks up the mail lying on the dining room table and opens it-grimaces.)
Natalie: What's the matter?
Paul: This phone bill is so high. Who have you been speaking to?
Natalie: (shrugs her shoulders) No one different than usual. Honey I gotta go. I've got that class.
Paul: You don't even ask.
Natalie: Ask what? What's the matter?
Paul: It fell through.
Paul: That house on Hewlett Bay. The deal. (he wipes his forehead with his hand)
Natalie: I meant to ask you.
Paul: I was counting on that commission money...they backed out at the last minute... the bank wouldn't give them the mortgage they needed. They totally misrepresented themselves... I've been working on this deal for two solid months. And now it's dead.
Natalie: (rubs his back) You know something else will come through.
Paul: Easy for you to say. You don't worry about all of the bills all of the time.
Natalie: That's not true. I do worry. Paul: What did you do today?
Natalie: Why are you asking?
Paul: Because I'm tired of shouldering all of the burden in this family. So tell me, what did you do today? Natalie: Don't put me on trial. I'm not to blame because the deal fell through.
Paul: I am so tired of this. I wish you would get a job so there wasn't so much pressure on me. It's time. I've told you.
Natalie: I want to get a job but what am I going to do? I don't want to leave the girls.
Paul: Lindsay's going to junior high next year. They don't get home until 3:00. You've got all day. It's time to get off of your rear end and do something.
Natalie: I do do something. I'm here all the time taking care of this house making sure that the your shirts are ironed, making sure there's food and laundry. But you don't appreciate anything I do. Who's going to wait at home when the refrigerator needs to be repaired and the repairman doesn't come home for three hours? Who's going to cook the gourmet meals you love. Who? There's a price if I go to work, Paul. A big price. Anyway, I can't talk about this now. I've got to go.
Paul: I do appreciate what you do. But you spend every morning at the health club. It's enough already. Natalie: That's not true. Look. You were the one who wanted me to quit nursing school because you wanted me home with the girls. It's not fair now to change the rules.
Paul: I don't know why you have to take an aromatherapy course. Take something that will prepare you to work.
Natalie: Now is not the time to discuss this.
Paul: No. Not for you. I am out there busting my balls every day and you, you're waving lavender around. Natalie: You didn't complain when I was alone with the kids all those years. This is the first time I have a space for myself. It's not fair for you to expect me to take a job when I'm not qualified to do anything. If I hadn't gotten pregnant so fast maybe I could have finished nursing school.
Paul: The game has changed Natalie. It's time for you to pick up the slack.
Natalie: I'm going to my course now. I just don't think you're being fair. Just because you had one hard day.
Paul: I've spoiled you. I don't tell you because I don't want to upset you. But you don't know how many hard days I have.
Natalie: Well it's no picnic here either. I work hard. You just don't see it because I've spoiled you. You don't do a shred of housework. You have no idea how much effort it takes to run a house well, to make meals, to make sure the girls are happy, to take them to ballet and basketball and to be there for them. I'm not home sitting on my butt, regardless of what you think. And I don't want to have latchkey kids. I won't do it to them.
One reason we strive so passionately towards accumulating money is the sense of pride it offers. In this modern world, humans are trained to think that receiving money or valuable stuff is evidence that you are a good, worthwhile person. While money is a part of the story, there are many other parts. If low self-esteem is founded in childhood wounds, no amount of money or shopping will heal it. Your value can also be gauged by many things, the love and support you share with others or your talents and accomplishments. Most importantly, you need to accept that all human beings have worth. Bill Gates is not a superior person because he has lots of money and the person who is getting food stamps because they lost their job is not an inferior person. How do you judge superior and inferior in humans? What is the standard? Who is the average person to compare against? Yet, if you have money and status your life may be easier, but you not a superior person. The difference between having an easy or hard life versus being a superior or inferior person is often confused. Again, the ability to do what is hard and do it anyways is courageous and success is based on you efforts, not your outcomes.
Begin With The Basics
Create a household budget and stick to it!
Pay down any debt accrued before you got married.
Start saving for our future together.
Plan for the unexpected.
As a couple, create a total financial game plan.
This step requires patience and persistence. Sit down together and begin to formulate your plan. There are tools that you can use to assist you in budget planning. The sooner you do this the better chance you have of not fighting over finances as a couple. SmartMoney indicated this is the biggest problem facing married couples.
Some Tips to Consider
Update your will if you have one. If not, make one.
Update your life insurance policy if you have one. If not, buy a term life insurance policy that covers the entire family including children.
Update your medical power of attorney.
Decide on guardians for your children.
Suggested Budget Plan
35% Housing - includes mortgage or rent, utilities, insurance, taxes and home maintenance.
20% Transportation - includes car payments, auto insurance, tag or licenses, maintenance, gasoline, parking, tolls and transit.
15% Debt - includes student loans, retail installment contracts, credit cards, personal loans, tax debts and medical debts.
20% Other - includes all other expenses: food, clothing, entertainment, childcare, medical expenses and charity.
10% Savings - save at least 10% of your income throughout your working years. Pay yourself first!
Keeping finances separate or in a joint bank accounts is a matter of personal preference. But, whatever you decide, do not forget to communicate! This should be done on a regular basis.
Do's and Don'ts
Do break bad debt habits (90 million households carry credit cards, with an average debt load of more than $10,500 (USA Today, March 22, 2009.)
Do not delay in paying off credit cards completely. (The average household pays about $1,000 in credit card interest a year. (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, January 18, 2004)
Do communicate honestly about your spending habits.
Do not abuse your credit.
Do communicate on a regular basis converting the household finances. This cannot be stressed enough.
Save For A Rainy Day
Starting a family or retiring from your job might seem like a long way off, but it pays to start planning early. Saving and investing is an essential part of your financial game plan. This means more than just putting a few dollars into a savings account. Here are some suggested areas of saving:
Emergencies: According to a recent survey, only 28% of households said they have enough money saved to weather a financial difficulty. (Money, April 2004). If you have to make a home repair, pay for an unexpected injury or supplement a spouse's income due to unemployment, you need to have some cash on hand. A good goal to shoot for is to have enough for at least 3 months of core expenses.
Short Term Goals: Maybe you are dreaming of a summer vacation, new appliances for your home or another big-ticket purchase. Save up for things. It is better to pay cash than getting locked into high interest credit card debt.
Children's Education: If you plan to start a family, it is a good idea to think about education. With annual tuition at a 4-year public university topping $8,000, starting early can make a big difference. Determine if you plan on paying all or part of this expense. Inform your children how much they will be paying for before they start there first college course.
Retirement: If you are among those who have not saved a dime for retirement, starting now will pay big dividends later. You need to start saving and investing now. Social Security checks will not cover all of your basic retirement needs. You will have to supplement Social Security with additional retirement funds. The average Social Security check for individuals was $1,079 and $1,761 for couples as of 2008.
Plan For Tomorrow...Today
No one wants to think about tragedy or loss, but you should discuss with your spouse a game plan if something unexpected should happen to either of you. Nothing can replace the loss of a spouse. A term life insurance policy protects your family if something should happen. Depending upon your expenses, if you have children, a policy that covers between 6 and 10 times your income should be enough. (MoneyCNN.com, August 4, 2003).
In addition to the life insurance policy, it is important to talk about each other's wishes if one should die. Discuss burial site, to be cremated or not, and a will covering the distribution of your assets and care of your children.
What has been presented seems like a monumental task for you to think about. It is not that hard. You will need to focus on your situation. Every married couple is unique and their finances are no exception. Good luck! May your marriage be successful and prosperous.
These volatile economic times can cause spouses to act in destructive ways that aren't typical of them. People stop communicating. They panic. They avoid what is the truth of the situation. They are tempted to just run away. I understand these reactions completely. However, I want to stress to you that especially in volatile times such as these, you need a loving marriage as a buffer from these tough times more than ever before. Allowing your marriage to be damaged will only make things worse. If you want to find a way to keep issues and secrets stemming money from negatively affecting and destroying your marriage, I'll offer tips that I hope will help.
Understand That The Money Situation Is Fleeting And Ever Changing, But Your Marriage Shouldn't Be: Although it may not feel like it right now, this money situation can and likely will work itself out with honest, open communication and through supporting one another. I can not tell you how many stories about the Great Depression I have heard from my Great Grandmother. I am sure that you have too from your family. I've heard stories of her children having to use the plastic newspaper wrapper as shoes and of the sons leaving school for a while to help support their sisters. I've heard tales of heat being turned off and parents going without food so that children could eat. These stories seem unreal to me, but one thing that we can all take from this is that most marriages survived these devastating money challenges. Our grandparents did not allow these trying times to tear them away from those they loved.
My great grandparents were happily married up until their death. And, they owned a nice home with a decent amount of assets. Yes, they went through devastating money problems, but they didn't allow it to destroy them. It's entirely possible to recover from money issues, especially when you pull together with those you love.
Address Any Dishonesty And Secrets About Money Now So That The Healing To Your Marriage Can Begin: I've been hearing a lot from people (mostly wives but some husbands) who are afraid that these turbulent financial times are going to expose money secrets and omissions that they've been hiding.
As more and more couples are forced to take a brutally hard look at their finances, little credit card bills and secret stashes that were brushed under the rug are more likely to come out into the open now. My best advice? Let them, but when they do have an honest, heartfelt and open discussion with your spouse to honestly address the issues and come up with a plan. Sit down with your spouse at a time when you are both calm and receptive and just come out with it. Explain that it was a mistake that you deeply regret but you are committed to fixing the problem with an open and honest heart. Your spouse may well be angry until they have time to process this and see that you are completely sincere and will make good on your promises. Understand that keeping secrets (money or otherwise) in a marriage is a sure fire way to create distance and erode intimacy.
Allow Money Issues To Bring You Closer Together In Your Marriage Rather Than Tearing You Apart: In any crises situation that occurs in a marriage, one of two things will typically happen. The spouses will either huddle together, commit to being a team, and use the marriage as a safe haven from the crises or they will allow the crises to erode the marriage - causing distrust, distance and negative feelings. Many people allow this process to just happen rather than making a conscious choice.
If you take anything away from this article, please take this. Yes, we live in very stressful times right now. Money issues and secrets that are destroying marriages is far too common. I understand that these things can make you feel vulnerable, stressed, out of control, scared, and angry. However, adding a troubled marriage or even a divorce to your list of problems is only going to make things worse in most cases.
Trying to support two households instead of one is even more difficult than any money problems that are on the table. Not having the emotional and physical support of your husband or wife could very well make you feel even more miserable and vulnerable. In times of turmoil and crises, we all need a partner to help us weather these storms. Let your spouse be that partner.
Yes, there may be money secrets and stress between you. But, take this as an opportunity and a chance to be honest with your spouse and bring all of those things that were hiding in the dark into the light. It can make your marriage stronger. And this closeness, support, and strength can help you make it through difficult times.
Honesty, communication, flexibility and trust.
Hopefully most key things are worked out even before marriage, myself and my wife decided she was a much better organiser and budgeter so mostly the financial organisation was hers although we constantly keep each other updated on bills and when they have to be paid, Love internet banking. We each have different money management styles and that takes some getting used to as well. She is a saver, I see and buy, within reason of course
You have just come from financial independence so how will you work your money now, separate accounts putting into a joint fund, joint account with incomes pooled together. You really need to talk this one through but don't stress in the beginning, as I mentioned different money management styles take time to iron out and build trust. But work towards joint banking slowly for later big decisions will be made like, buying a home or when children come along so it makes sense
Sit and work out a budget, there are some great tools on the internet these days. It is always good to see in black and white your incoming against your everyday outgoing living expenses. Then you can work out a personal spend limit each, you still need to have your own independent money to spend as you will, or to buy a gift with no statement record.
Talk honestly about your credit history as one partners previous credit sins could become your own when applying to buy something together like a home. Once a year you are entitled to a free copy of your credit report of the 3 main credit bureaus: Experian, Trans Union and Equifax. Discuss it and if need be make plans to correct it, check MyFico.com for valuable information.
Think ahead; if you jointly own your home make sure you both have life insurance because God forbid if one dies the other could be left homeless. Update your will when necessary, like when children come along. Your money may not go to them and your parent if the beneficiary, they could not give it to them without gift tax problems.
Let me explain.
Money problems are often cited as the number one reason for divorce. Whether that's true or not is subject to debate but no one can argue that money problems are definitely a cause for friction in a relationship. Talking about money is such a taboo subject, but it's such an integral part of a long term relationship that I think it's essential to lay the groundwork.
Here are some tips on how to do that:
Talk about it upfront. Discuss who brings in how much and how it will be allocated. Agree on a budget.
One person has to be assigned as the one in charge of the household budget. This doesn't mean one is more powerful than the other. It's just a matter of matching tasks to personality. Click here [http://www.simple-tips-on-budgeting.com/money-personality.html] to find your money personality.
Decide on whether or not to merge your finances. I won't argue either camp because both options can work well as long as it's mutually agreed upon. to pay it down as soon as possible..
Set clear expectations of each others roles. Is it a 50/50 partnership where both parties are responsible for bringing in income? Or is one person, usually the man, expected to be the main breadwinner. Whatever arrangement works for your marriage and money. But spell it out so there is no misunderstanding.
If your spouse is bringing debt to the union while you are debt free, don't turn your back and say 'not my problem', because it could become your problem if you end up owning assets together (e.g. a house). Figure out a debt management plan.
Budgeting is by no means romantic. But when the bills are paid, debt is under control and there's money set aside for emergencies, it certainly frees you up for romance! Whatever romance your budget allows - a night out of splurging or love on a dime!
Dealing With Marriage and Money Issues By Libby Haynes Ads by Google Free Chat Rooms For Websites www.Paltalk.com Join the #1 Video Chat Community. F
The causes and burdens of financial issues in a marriage
Research has proven that financial issues are the primary reason for 90 percent of divorce cases in the world today. It's not a matter of what you earn that leads to difficulties but your spending habits, where the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing. This usually is more vivid in relationships where there is a total lack of communication.
There are various causes for financial problems in a marriage. Situations such as uncertainty, unemployment, and financial hardship will surely hurt your marriage if the two of you avoid talking with one another or if either of you prefer hiding your head in the sand instead of dealing with the issues at hand.
Practical solutions to avoid financial issues in a marriage
There are various principles that couples can adhere to, so they can avoid money problems. Below are a few suggestions:
First of all, being honest with each other is very important.. You need to share your concerns over money and deal with them in a respectful way. As a result of them finding common grounds to deal with their financial issues, couples with differing financial habits and attitudes have been able to make it work and so can you.
Take some time off to think about your financial expectations and goals. Try to come up with solutions about your family's attitude towards spending and their financial habits and together set realistic expectations and goals that are achievable. Do not spend what you do not have, learn to differentiate between what you want and actually need, credit cards and unnecessary loans will only sink you further. If you want something, save up until you can actually get them. You will have to learn how to prioritize your goals, e.g. what to spend on children, pets, home, bills, savings, entertainment etc. Develop and live within a budget.
Money should not be a cause for divorce, so avoid having a fight over it at all costs. If you spend too much time fighting over money instead of nurturing your home, it will surely bring financial stress in your marriage. In turn this is what leads to couples deciding that they would be better on their own, without realizing that they also take the burdens of their debts with them when they do get divorce and it also bring with it more financial burdens, which you could have avoided, if you had only sort out your financial problems instead of running away from them. Very often, people who are under stress often fail to notice and acknowledge the good in their spouses and children. Instead of showing gratitude, they try their best to undermine them and as a result mutual trust and obligations in a healthy family are lost completely, creating the psychological equivalent of a credit crunch and as a last resort, divorce.
Today, there are various institutions where people with deep financial difficulties can get help and advice. If your problems are so severe that you feel that you are not able to get out of them on your own, then try to get the financial help if needed. It does not mean that you are sharing your marriage problems with the outside world, but it is a chance for both of you to get to talk about it with professionals and together work towards a common solution. Believe me, it does work.
Following these tips will bring a financial bond into your marriage and a sense of empowerment as you make progress in accomplishing your financial goals together. No one likes to talk about money, but very often, it is necessary. By starting early in the marriage, you can create a healthy habit so money talk will become a natural part of your relationship. Remember, you are a team, keep the conversations flowing and together, you will be able to work things out.
If you are ready to Deal With Your Marriage Crisis then you have come to the right place.
That's right. this free report will show you exactly how you too can get instant access to information that can help you deal with money issues and save your marriage at the same time even if you are the only one interested.
It's common knowledge that the standard of living and wealth goes ways down for everyone in the household following a divorce. It just costs a lot more to maintain two households than it does to maintain one. However, this sometimes seems a small price to pay if you are just extremely unhappy in your marriage. I often get comments like: "The only reason that my spouse and I are together is because we can't afford to separate or divorce," or "I don't love my wife (or husband) anymore, but I know that I could not afford to divorce them." I'll address these concerns in the following article.
Tough Martial Decisions In Today's Economy: There is no question that we are seeing less divorces today because of the economy. Folks who may well have divorced a couple of years ago are now staying married because of money issues. Some folks have come up with creative solutions like separating but living under one roof while still trying to maintain each spouse's privacy and independence. This situation can provide it's own set of challenges but many feel that it's better to stick it out this way than to lose the family home or to ruin the credit of both spouses. The upside to this is that some of these couples are finding that although it was the money that made them stick it out, eventually it was a mutual affection and love for their family which allowed them to work it out and to save the marriage. Often delaying the normal inclination to just divorce or walk away when things get tough allows people the time and the distance that they need to see that working things out so that each party ultimately gets the marriage that they want is quite possible.
Letting Money Be Your Motivation To Not Only Delay The Divorce, But The Save The Marriage: I know that when you found this article, you probably weren't looking for an article on saving your marriage. You probably wanted ideas on how to make the divorce or separation work even with the money limitations. Unfortunately, that's not advice that I feel qualified to give. In my own experience, my mother had no marketable skills when she divorced my father. She went from being a house wife to being a clerk at the 7 11. My sister and I went from a comfortable existence to suddenly worrying about being hungry or losing our home, and this was even with the child support that my father was ordered to pay by the courts. I can tell you that both my sister and I deeply wished that our parents had been able to work it out. We were only able to stay in our home because our grandparents helped my mother out financially.
And, my father walked away from his three bedroom home with all of the sprawling oak trees that he'd planted by hand to a garage apartment that smelled of whatever the homeowner was cooking. There was no bedroom there for my sister and I. When we visited, my dad took the couch. I would venture to say that for the several years following the divorce, every member of our family greatly suffered. Could they have made it work? I don't know. I never walked in my parent's shoes, but their marriage was not an abusive one and I do believe that they loved one another, but neither of them had any communication or negotiation skills to speak of. Could they have learned them? Absolutely.
My point in telling you this is to show you that no matter how bad you think your marriage is or how unhappy you may think you are, divorce can be just as painful and non fulfilling. I can't tell you how many people write to me and confess that they are just as unhappy divorced as they were married. The truth is, if the only change that you make in your life is your marital status, this is unlikely to solve all of your problems.
Sure, there are some marriages that are irretrievably broken and this is especially true in cases of abuse. But, as long as this is not your case and you're in a holding pattern right now anyway, why not ask yourself if you could put more time and effort into your marriage? Because I believe that many marriages only suffer from a lack of effort and from neglect. Today's society and work place is so fast paced and so competitive that we often do not have the time for other things that are Often when I tell people this, they'll respond with things like "it's just too late or why do I have to do all the work?" I see this point, but I can also tell you that most people would rather be happy than to be right. Being indignant will only allow you to be right but to be alone.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, appreciated, and understood. We want to know that someone understands us and values us and that we matter. But often to get this, we have to give before we get. Marriage is reciprocal. So if you want more affection, attention, and efforts from your spouse, you often have to give this first. But, the rewards can be great. Imagine if your spouse was a source of support for you in these harsh economic times rather than part of the problem.
Indeed, if you have decided to get engaged, this is when the soul-searching begins. No, I'm not referring to choosing the perfect caterer for your dream wedding, but to the realities of everyday life. Ideally, when you were still dating, you and your partner probably discussed finances, and perhaps even commented on how your parents run their own households. But now that there's a new life ahead of you, you can determine your own financial future.
Getting married definitely changes your financial landscape. So don't only talk about wedding halls and caterers. Discuss your single credit card bills and spending habits. Decide whether you'll have a joint account or a combination of separate and joint accounts. Discuss your long-term financial goals as well as the daily technical stuff, such as who will balance the checkbook and pay the bills. Most importantly, be open and honest with each other about your finances.
Take care of the paperwork
At the same time, whether this is your first or second marriage, make or update your will. Review your health and life insurance policies (and rental insurance if you'll be renting). Do names need to be changed on bank statements and cell phone bills? Calculate a combined net worth to know where you are as a couple and then develop a budget. If you begin your married life with a clear financial picture and goals, you have a greater chance of avoiding the finance-related conflicts that plague many couples.
Overspending strains budgets and relationships. All too often, financial difficulties are a key factor in divorce. One client, in the midst of a divorce, told me, "We made some poor financial decisions when married, but now that I'm leaving her, it's impossible to escape the consequences of those decisions. I'll be paying off the accumulated joint debt and child support for decades." Indeed, there's a reason why divorcees frequently have a lower life style when separated than while living together: two households are more expensive to run than one. If you see your ex living it high, while you're keeping to a tight budget, don't assume s/he knows what s/he's doing and is living the good life. Being practical and budget-minded may not be fun, but these are the characteristics of building a solid fiscal foundation.
Whether newly married or newly divorced, when you're standing at the crossroads of your life, take the greatest care that the decisions you make are financially sound.
Disclaimer: Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the director of Profile Investment Services and the host of the Goldstein on Gelt radio show. He is a licensed financial professional both in the U.S. and Israel. Securities offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, NFA, SIFMA. Accounts carried by National Financial Services LLC. Member NYSE/SIPC, a Fidelity Investments company.
However, a lot of arguments dealing with loans and other money issues occur in most marriages. It is after all a delicate subject; what you had as your own prior to the marriage becomes mutual property and you are no longer a single financial unit. High expenses therefore require consulting each other and consideration for your dual budget and ability to loan money has a certain limit. If for example one of you is a spender while the other saves almost every dime, you are more likely to have arguments revolving around money.
You would be surprised on the amount of information on how to deal with this you can find online. To make it more personal, you can address an online therapist that has a good financial consultation to offer you. Coping with money problems is important, and you should have at least once a year a profound conversation about your financial status. In order to avoid money conflicts and too many dramas, try talking it out while listening to each other's money needs on his or her everyday basis. Keep in mind that life is far from being cheap, especially if you like to live like today may be the last day of your life.
Saving a little on the side for later is always good, but try not to overdo it - not spend too much each day nor save everything for later. Having separate bank accounts is also healthy since it gives you more liberty to manage your money responsibly without getting remarks from your partner on how much you spend and for what reason. This also helps to avoid confusion when your credit card bill arrives, keeping track of your personal expenses. If you find a reasonable solution to your money issues online and by talking it out, stick to it. Money buys you a certain freedom, but not love. So keep the love and happiness going and decrease your problems concerning money to the minimum.
Statistics show that the majority of marriages that end in divorce cite "money problems" as the number one reason for divorce.
During the current recession with an unemployment rate of 10.2% and expected to rise higher, married couples are feeling the strain. No wonder couples are nervous!
Music to Our Ears
It's tempting to live our lives filled with anxious what-ifs. Shakespeare's Almeria encourages, "Music hath powers to soothe the savage breast." Does your breast beat with anxiety and stress? Let music soothe it!
The British Invasion
Did you grow up grooving to the Beatles? Or did you place your fingers in your ears, complaining that you "couldn't understand a word they're saying"? Or perhaps you were born after their split in 1970 and don't get what the big deal is!
Wherever you fall on the Beatles spectrum, they had some undeniable classics. Take, for example, Money Can't Buy Me Love. During our current recession, were truer words ever spoken?
"I'll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love!
Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love!"
Another Apple Records Great
Apple recording artist James Taylor intones this wisdom in Shower the People:
"Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will."
Wisdom to Live By
Is this economy getting you down? Draw wisdom from the words of these rock 'n roll icons.
What is it that money can't buy? Love!
Now's the time to set aside your relationship with money and to focus attention on your relationship with the people you love.
True, substituting love for money won't pay the bills, but it's a choice you can make today that will make paying those debts a lot more bearable and keep your relationship the ultimate priority.
Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep growing!
Married for 33 years, Greg and Priscilla Hunt are certified Specialists in Marriage Enrichment, Couple Communication Instructor Trainers, and Prepare-Enrich Seminar Directors. Greg is a consultant and author. Priscilla is Executive Director of Better Marriages: Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment.
Putting aside the emotional distress, often times divorce takes a unaccountable toll on you financially. Divorce is not only the separating of a family, it is the separating of finances. Overnight many of your bills for staples such as electricity, cable TV and phones double since they are now not shared. Ironically, research has shown that most divorces occur due to financial distress; this problem is only compounded after the divorce.
Research also shows that both parties in a relationship often times do not have a good understanding of their current financial situation. I have found in my work that the majority of the couples that I consult with do not have a good clear understanding of what their net worth is, nor what their expenses are. Over the decades of being in this business and doing multiple financial analysis I have found that it is rare to find a couples that are prepared financially if their relationship ended in divorce.
Here is a list of things that I advise both parties in a marriage do immediately to have a better understanding of their current financial position:
Make two lists. First, make one list of your monthly living expenses and another separate list for your expenses that hit annually. Then, plan out 15 years with those expenses growing at 5%.
List all of your financial assets. Separate the list by assets that can be sold and turned into cash immediately and those that cannot. For the liquid assets place a value on them by using the value given from your statements. On the other assets place a realistic value.
Putting any appreciation aside, list the amount of income that your derive from these investments. Then separately estimate any appreciation you might realize from your investments.
Determine how much money you need to have reserved in cash, just in case you lose your employment income or your assets depreciate.
By doing these steps all couples will have a better understanding of what their current financial situation is. It is usually not a pleasant exercise, but often times very necessary.
- What are your spending habits?
- Do you live paycheck to paycheck?
- What percentage of income do you save?
- Have you always been responsible with money?
- Discuss any goals that you have that require money.
- How do you plan to achieve these goals?
- How important is each goal to you, on a scale from 1 to 10.
2. Family History
- How did your parents handle money while you were growing up?
- Was anyone in your family stingy? How did that make you feel?
- Was anyone in your family financially irresponsible? How did that affect you?
- Do you have any family members who have been or are currently in financial trouble?
- What age did you become financially independent?
- Share what your money management habits were leading up to that point.
- Do either of you have debt?
- How much?
- How long have you had it?
- At what rate of interest?
- If it is a significant amount, discuss why and how it reached that level.
- How will it be paid?
4. Costs related to the wedding
- How will you pay for the wedding and honeymoon?
- Will there be any debt acquired?
- If yes, what is the plan for eliminating this debt?
- Do either of you own real estate?
- Do either of you have retirement accounts?
- Do you have other major assets?
- What would be required to access the value of these assets if needed?
- Are any of these assets shared with other owners?
- Will both of you contribute to household expenses?
- If so, what percentage will each person contribute, or which bills will each person pay?
- What are your current expenses?
- Can any of these items be merged or eliminated?
- How much money will each person have to spend as they like?
- What type of expenses do each of you expect the other to pay out of their discretionary budget?
- What impact will your marriage likely have on expenses?
- Will you establish a joint savings account?
- Who will contribute to it?
- What it will be used for?
9. Major purchases
- Is there an amount of money is too much to spend without consulting the other?
- How do you think major purchases should be handled?
- In the event that one of you passes away, what are your expectations for your assets and debts?
- Do you have a will?
- Are you aware of the estate laws in your jurisdiction?
My sincere hope is that this list of questions helps you to establish an open and honest discussion about how you and your prospective spouse feels about money. It is very important to have some rules for your finances to avoid problems due to misunderstandings.
Reasons Why Money is a BIG issue in Marriage:
1) On some level to every person, money represents security. When a husband and wife have not discussed what is important to them when it comes to money and someone loses a job, then security is jeopardized. Think about how many people possessed the American Dream and once the economy went into a recession people began losing jobs which affected their ability to pay their bills and even their mortgage. Once the mortgage got so far behind and they couldn't catch up they received a couple of warnings to catch up and eventually they got a notice about being foreclosed on. Now not only did this affect the person who was managing the money but everyone living in the household. For many women, money represents security, being able to take care of their family and leaving a legacy. When security has been compromised, that does not make anyone feel safe.
2) Most marriages have a money manager and the other person has no knowledge of what is happening in the marital finances. Let's face it, the money manager is usually the person that has good administrative skills, doesn't need to be reminded when to pay the bills and has a goal in mind when managing the money. The problem that seems to creep up over and over again in this situation is that the money manager is literally carrying the weight of the world on his or her shoulders and not sharing with the spouse when there is financial decision that needs to be made. Finances in marriage impact the husband, wife and children if there are children. Therefore, the money manager needs to involve the other person and not just once a month. In the beginning, they should engage the other spouse at least twice a month so they are aware of what is happening with the finances. Consequently if something happened to the money manager, the other person wouldn't even know how to pay the bills to include HOW they pay the bills (phone, internet or even mailing a check).
3) Feeling the need to keep up with the Joneses. Let me let you in on a secret about the Joneses: They are up to their neck in bills and late notices. They are also fighting behind closed doors. However they have figured out the difference in Public Finances and Private Finances. In public, they represent having it all together, driving the latest cars, wearing the finest of clothes and acting as if they are all lovey dovey. When they are in private, they can't lie to themselves. They have to look at themselves in the mirror. This is when they are faced with late notices, the phones are ringing off the hook with calls from collectors. You are on the outside seeing exactly what they want you to see - not the truth. You are witnessing some of their best acting outside of their home. Give them their Oscar. The Joneses only have to pay their bills and not yours. You are the only ones responsible for your household bills, LIVE accordingly.
1. Agree on a budget
2. Set goals
4. Open separate checking accounts
Now, I wouldn't dispute the possibility that these common sense recommendations could prove to be helpful when it comes to couples fighting about money. However, none of them will amount to a hill of beans if you don't fix the root of the problem! You see, most marital issues are merely a symptom of a much larger underlying problem. Take infidelity for example. The reason most people cheat on their partner is the loss of an emotional connection caused by fears, insecurities and low self-esteem. Another example would be lack of communication. People don't communicate with their partner as a result of their critical, argumentative, smothering, clingy, needy or controlling behavior. Plain and simple, they don't want to be around that behavior. Therefore, they withdrawal and the communication diminishes or ceases altogether.
Subsequently, money problems are no exception! Sure, when the wallet gets a bit lighter or there's not enough money in the account to pay the bills because of a poor economy, the situation may be exacerbated or inflamed. But, two partners that are well grounded and aren't struggling with fears and self-limiting beliefs will usually work through those tough times. At the end of the day, if spending money matters in a relationship, perhaps you're not spending enough emotional currency on the things that matter most.
Are you struggling with fears and insecurities? Do you feel jealous or do you feel like your losing control of your relationship when your partner spends money on him or herself? Or, do you feel slighted because your partner doesn't spend enough time with you or give you the attention you desire? Hence, you become angry when they spend money on themselves? Does your partner attempt to control you and/or your relationship through financial means? Perhaps your partner has a fear of abandonment or a fear of losing control. Bottom line, there's usually an underlying issue that causes most couples to fight about money. However, there is one exception to the rule - compulsive shopping or addictive behavior. And, that is another matter altogether.
The internet has been the perfect place for anyone who needs to get money because there are so any Unsecured Business Lines of Credit services in internet. So, if you want to get some extra funds for your business, you can check for some small business loan in the internet. One of the most famous services in the internet is the EZUncescured.com. In this website, you will be able to apply for a loan for your business or for your personal loan. However, before you apply for this loan, you need to check your ability to pay back the loan because some people think that the rates for unsecured loans are just too high for them.
So, whenever you go to loan website, whether it is for unsecured personal loans business loan, you need to make sure that you know the rates first. By knowing the rates of the loan, you will be able to make plan on how to pay the loan. So, if you are interested in applying for a loan in Unsecured Business Line of Credit, you need to make sure that the rates of the business line of credit that you are applying are not too high for you. And also, if you think that the rate of Loans for Small Business that you are applying is too high, you can try to find another service and compare the rate.
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